myself and my husband have 4 beautiful children here with us on earth becca 8 marc 7 Sophie 5 and korey 4 but sadly we have had two miscarriages and had a beautiful angel baby id like to share our story about her with you .. at 16 yrs old i was told i had polysistc ovaries and would never have children with out help at 16 its something i had never thought about i finished secondary school and went to college to do a hospitality and hotel management course there was where i first discovered i was pregnant i went on to have Rebecca 7lb 12 who will be 9 in December then i had marc 8lb 14 who will be 8 in Jan then we had sophie a eye watering 9lb 11 oz who will be 6 in Jan then sadly we lost a precious baby on new yrs eve 2004 at 9 weeks after such upset we went on to have korey 6lb 12 our little ginger nut he was 4 past October then sadly we lost another precious baby 7th may 06 at 13 weeks then that brings me to our little angel Bethany-Skye Cooper Born with wings on 20th July 2007 at 39 wks 3 days xxxx November 2006 after weeks of being tired and always feeling sick i went to the dr and it was there we discovered we were expecting a baby although we were happy i couldn’t find it in my heart to get excited so we decided we would not tell anyone for a while we went to the the midwives who arranged a scan for me thee i was told i was about 6 wks pregnant even seeing the lil yoke sack on screen i still couldn’t feel anything apart from dread that I might loose this baby to my body had been useless with the other two baby’s why not this one too after the scan we decided only to tell my 2 good friends Richards mum and sister and my mum and sisters the very next wk my good friend lee had some good news of her own she was expecting a baby to 2 weeks after me which made me feel a little better knowing I would have someone to go through different stages with Richard was very quiet about the whole thing he’d seen me suffer so much already and he him self had suffered although never saying how he felt keeping strong for me at 8 wks I went to the toilet and to my horror I discovered I was bleeding we me being me immediately thought my baby had died I cried so hard my midwife arranged for me to go into Aberdeen hospital to see what was happening my sister and my gran came to look after the kids and we set off all the way here I was crying thinking my baby was gone we got to the hospital about 11.30 am and was seen soon after the nurse was a very nice nurse named Karen she’s looked after me when I had my second miscarriage she did tests went to lister for the heart beat I remember thinking silly cow wasting her time but there it was whoosh our baby’s heart beat but I still couldn’t feel anything I was sent home told if I passed anything or bleeding didn’t stop phone then I thought yeah if my dead baby comes out they mean so I went back home and continued to bleed I was in and out of the hospital for weeks after that each time I had convinced my self this is the visit where im told my baby’s gone but it never came a test I had earlier had shown I had a bacterial infection and they were sure that’s where the bleeding was coming from I wasn’t to sure but I tried to believe it so again we went home carried on as normal as we could and thankfully with my baby safely in my tummy and I was 14 weeks gone the bleeding stopped I was so thankful we had a scan and it showed that our baby was just fine and it was due 23 July 2007 I smiled and thought for a second maybe our baby will be ok but still I didn’t let my self believe it for more than a few minutes so we decided it was time to tell the kids they were getting a new baby they were so excited korey who was only 1 half kept coming up n kissing my tummy as I kept saying baby to him but still I haddent bought anything for the baby just the odd pair of booties I was just to scared but the 20 wks scan raced up on us so we went to hospital for it and saw our lil one on the computer screen I cried I was so happy our baby was ok and I started to believe our baby would be just fine so that after noon we went out and got some things I got the cutest little t-shirt saying I love my daddy as the weeks went on me and my friend who was due 3 august got bigger and we laughed at how weird she looks she was only 5ft and size 8 and growing bye the day everything seemed to be going just fine kids were getting very excited about a new baby mean time we had the task or moving from our 2 bed roomed house to a 3 bedrooms house a lot of hard work but no one would let me move a finger which frustrated me but we got there and our friend were an amazing help and kids settled in to new house the boys wanted the biggest bedroom we agreed but said if baby was a girl they would have to swap with girls b4 we knew it the school summer holidays were about to start kids were busy telling friends and teachers that when they came back they would have a new baby we also had been invited to my hubbys granddads 80th in Birmingham and every year we go to wolverhampton for 6 yrs in the summer but we decided not to as baby was due right in the middle of out holiday so summer hols started and we set about keeping kids entertained lots of BBQ and getting everything ready for the baby so on Saturday 14th July while getting my trousers on I felt something strange down below like I trickle of water so I phoned the midwife who said come up I got there and the midwife checked me said baby’s heart rate was very fast she arranged for an ambulance to take me and my hubby to Aberdeen hospital all the way there I wasn’t worried as korey had been early because I have GROUP B STREP they checked to see if my waters had gone mean while a dr came and saw me and put me on the monitor said baby had calmed down and they didn’t think my waters had gone IT WAS LATER FOUND IN MY NOTES THERE HAD BEEN AMNIOTIC FLUID IN MY TEST and bye tea time he said I could go home if I wanted so we left and sure enough noting else happened on Tuesday 17th July I woke up with a sore back thought nothing of it I was nearly due any way about 11 am I noticed the baby haddent been moving as much as usell I told my self baby’s probably head down and they don’t have much movement when there big about 2 pm lee came round with the twins we had a BBQ but I was still trying to get baby to move I rubbed my tummy and poked it sometimes the little monkey would kick back but I tried to phone my midwife all through the afternoon left 2 voice mails which the have always denied getting but my phone company proved I have left them any way lee was also trying to get hold of them she was in a lot of pain and going to the toilet every 10-15 mins so seeing her in pain i phone the hospital for her they said tell her to come up and her mum came and took her to the hospital I spent the rest of the day phoning the midwife with no result but I wasn’t worried and didn’t bother phoning Aberdeen as I didn’t see it as a emergency as baby was moving but just not as much around 6 pm lee partner James phones lee had given birth to there little girl bye emergency c section I was so happy a little jealous she had her baby first but new my turn would be soon we went to bed at about 11 pm and as I lay down and my hubby put his arm across my tummy I felt a very hard kick I remember thinking good baby letting mummy know your ok I went to sleep smiling Wednesday 18th July I woke up and don’t ask me how but I knew something wasn’t quite right my back hurt and my tummy was rock solid so my hubby phoned the midwife and she said this could be it make your way in to Aberdeen so we got the bus and all the way to Aberdeen I waited for baby to move it didn’t we got to the hospital by now I was getting pains in my tummy and my back hurt a lot when we got there they showed me a bed told me to lie down and a student midwife came and strapped me to the monitor but couldn’t find anything she made the excuse that she was only just learning but call it what you like mothers intuition or what ever but right there and then at 1.20 pm I knew my baby was dead I whole different feeling came over me I just looked at my hubby I saw how scared he was and I lay staring at the clock thinking my baby’s dead the student came back with a midwife I was familiar with she smiled and I thought to my self why the hell are you smiling at me you know as well as me my baby’s dead she said oh your baby’s hiding lets do a scan bye now I was crying and my hubby squeezed my hand although he’s never said imp sure he knew too so we went in to a side room I lay on the bed and the same familiar nurse came round the side of the bed and as the dr started the scan she took my hand and held it tight and right held the other the dr stood in front of the screen hiding my view I held my breath praying she wouldn’t say what I thought she would say well what I new she would say then she turned to me with such pity in her eyes and said im so sorry your baby doesn’t have a heart beat that was the end of my life as I once knew it I screamed and said I want my mum rich held me so tight and I couldn’t breath I was crying so much and all the time I didn’t even notice the midwife was still holding my hand just standing there they switched off the machine then said we will take you for a scan on the bigger machine sometimes the small machines are not very good I though to myself why are they doing this to me they already told me my baby was dead I had to walk through the hospital to get to the scan department past happy people and new baby’s and I saw lee n the shop I hurried past I couldn’t face seeing her upset I lay down for the second scan and refused to look at the screen then I thought I need to see this I looked at the screen hoping for a flicker but nothing I said no more plz just stop I looked at rich and his pain made me feel worse I thought I did this to him I killed his baby how can he love me now just then the dr and midwife left me and rich alone I kept saying what did I do wrong I lay there willing my baby to move willing them to come back and say sorry we were wrong but that wasn’t going to happen they came back and took me and my husband to the ward they use for pregnancy loss we had our own room I remember Karen the nurse who had looked after me when id lost a baby at 13 weeks came in and hugged me she told us how sorry she was I remember thinking what the fuk is sorry going to to it wont bring back our baby will it they came and took blood from me to check everything I felt like they were trying to blame me but no one could blame me more than I did I was this tiny baby’s mummy I should of been keeping him / her safe I didn’t realize our baby was struggling to live Karen came back and explained a dr would come to see me soon and explain things while we waited for the dr we set about phoning ppl they were the hardest phone calls ive ever made I phone my mum first she answered and I started crying I said mum the baby had died mum just cried too told me she loved me she would come see me as soon as rich phones his sister and his best m8t they were all very upset to but there’s the thing best friends mine was in that same hospital with her baby girl I had to phone her sister who was also the person who was looking after my kids when she answers I said nicki I need you to do me a huge favor she said oh I duno like joking as she always does then I told her our baby had died and I asked her to tell her mum so she could break it to lee poor Nicky although she didn’t cry on the phone I knew she was upset I had never seen my strong friend upset b4 she did as I asked while I was talking to her rich had gone to phone his uncle and buy me the card id asked him to get a baby girl card for my friend while out side he came across James lee partner he explained about our baby James was very upset and said he’d tell lee when he did my poor friend cried so badly she was sick with the upset i wanted to go and tell her its ok im fine but i couldn’t after a while the dr came and saw me Karen came with her she was lovely explained they would give me a tablet to reduce pregnancy hormones and they said i could stay in the hospital until the birth or i could go home until Friday i got scared then i had forgotten id have to give birth i freaked out crying my baby was dead and i wanted he she out im ashamed to admit it but i was horrified i had a dead baby inside of me i chose to go home and come back on Friday the bus journey home was so unreal 48 hours b4 i have been happy smiling having fun with my kids and now this we got home nicki my good friend was at the bus stop waiting she hugged me so tight and kisses my cheek i remember thinking is this really nicki she was always a strong lass never really showed any emotion in front of ppl although there’s only about 2 minute walk between our house and the bus stop it felt like a million i dreaded going in to the house in there expecting happy new were my 17yr old sister and my 4 beautiful children all full of excitement we got in and i shouted my sister in to the kitchen i said Emma remember yesterday the baby wasn’t moving she said yes coz its big i said no sweetheart the baby has died she has no heart beat she hugged me so tight and cried so hard but still none of us told the kids not that i didn’t want to i couldn’t i didn’t know how or what to say they were only 6 5 3 and 17 months korey the youngest kept coming over saying baba and kissing my tummy at bed time the kids all kissed there baba goodnight and went to bed but the minute nicki went home and rich n Emma were upstairs with the kids i put my jacket on and walked out the door i didn’t go far i went to the park next to the house i sat on the bench i spoke to my granddad he died 1998 i told him he must look after our baby you looked after me so good there no one more id trust up there i was lost talking to him and our baby i haddent seen rich come over i told him i want my baby back plz get our baby back and i new he was feeling so much pain but he kept so strong for me we decided we would talk to the health visitor in the morning and ask her to come round so that night we went back home and we boxed up every single baby thing there was some of the stuff like nappies we gave to lee other things we gave to a charity shop just so happened it was the same shop rich worked in that night was a long one eventfully morning peeked in the window i asked Richard to phone moira and explain that we needed her help when she arrived she hugged me n rich so hard she was crying as much as us the conversation that followed broke my heart moira explained that the baby in mummy’s tummy hadn’t been feeling well and it had died and that it was an angel up in heaven marc came over and patted my tummy as if to say no its not its there the kids cried so much my heart went out to the lil korey ran about smiling but he was clearly upset as everyone as crying moira stayed for a while playing wit the kids then becca came over and asked mummy is it our fault the baby died it was then i remembers a few nights b4 when they had been messing around at bed time i said if you lot don’t stopping being silly mummy wont take the baby home from hospital i h8ted my self for saying it there and then i took the kids in my arms and rich told them never think this was your fault and we always tell them even now it was not there fault later that day the undertaker came round he was lovely too he explained what would happen once the baby was born and how they would take the baby back to rest rooms in huntly he also advised if at any point they advise us not to view our baby they mean it for our own sake Thursday night came and we tucked kids in bed knowing tomorrow would be long for everyone but on my way down stair i felt funny and had a sharp pain in my tummy i ignored it and went on to play cards with my hubby and sister but as the night wore on it got worse then i said to rich i think the labors starting so we phone Aberdeen hospital they said phone an ambulance when it arrived minutes later i was very upset i said to Richard why is our baby dead and bless him the paramedic said oh don’t say that im sure your baby’s fine it was then rich explained what had happened he looked at me with such pity in his eyes he really didn’t know what to say i was frightened i didn’t know what was going to happen after baby was born that night at hospital they did checks and made sure i was ok they left me in the same room id had b4 in the morning the rev came and saw us and all the while this things were happening i was slowly coming to believe this is real not a dream our baby’s gone at 9am Karen came and inserted gel internally to get things going about 10am i went out for fresh air where i met lee for the first time since this had happened i remember thinking god she looks ill we were standing chatting even having a laugh about stuff when it felt like id been kicked from behind it was the force of my waters breaking poor lee got a scare and her face was white rich got a wheelchair and took me back to my room where i notice that the water i was loosing was green i saw rich and Karen exchange looks and i knew what it ment and a lot of it the baby had pooped which upset me more knowing my baby was in so much distress and i haddent known i was ment to give birth in the room i was in but as id had a c section i was taken to labor ward we went the back way the minute i was taken in the delivery room i cried and said i don’t want do this give me a c section i was so upset rich got upset Karen was so nice she was there the whole time the pain was so bad but i kept refusing pain relief i saw it as my punishment for letting my baby die i wanted my body to hurt but finally the pain got to much and the set up a drip of pethadine which helped i was told i would not give birth until Saturday morning so Karen left she had stayed hours after her shift anyway but things picked up fast and i was about 7 cm i was tired and sore and upset all this time i could hear baby’s crying i new mine wouldn’t do that the delivery ward was being done up but they had put me as far away from new mums as poss but not far enough away i hear baby’s i cried so much i asked rich to go get me lip sill from the other room my lips were so dry all i had was water he was only gone a few minutes when i told the midwife i wanted a pee she went to put a catheter in and couldn’t when she looked to see why our babies head was there she pushed an alarm of some sorts and that familiar nurse from 2 days ago came in and smiled i wasted Richard i said plz someone get Richard but she said im sorry darling baby’s coming right now and with a big push my baby was born i told my self hours b4 i didt want to see the baby being born but i new i had to look when i opened my eyes and lifted my head i saw my angel being born 6:06 pm 20th July 07 the midwifes again exchanges looks i then saw why the cord was round the baby’s neck 3x i said what sex she said its a girl i cried as we wanted a girl with ginger hair and that’s also what she had it was then the nurse wrapped her up and left the room with her seconds later rich came in and half smiled at me not realizing id had our baby i said babe ive had the baby its a girl he started crying every day since that day i h8t myself for making him miss the birth things happened fast after that i delivered the after birth there was phone calls made and we decided on the name Bethany-Skye we were offered tea and toast and then i was moved back to another ward i didn’t ask where my baby was back at the ward me and rich just sat on the bed holding each other about 9pm i asked if we could see our baby they went off and minutes later someone returned with a lovely white mosses basket she laved it on my bed and left all i could see from where i was sitting was the quilt it took me a few minutes to move i removed the quilt and was shocked at what i saw a beautiful little girl perfect in everyway i asked rich to pass her to me he was frightened to so we asked a midwife to take her out she lifted our baby girl out and handed her to her daddy but as she did her little head moved to the side and some fluid came out her mouth Richard got such a scare he shouted god take her quick and went out the room only for a second the nurse cleaned her up and handed her to me she was beautiful her rose bud red lips and ruby red nails she looked like they had just been painted i kissed her cheek i remember how cold she felt i took the cover from the basket and put it on her i talked to her even telling her id giving the nurse a nappy to put on her so her flower would never be cold in heaven ( flower is wot my girls call front bum) i handed her to her daddy and you know seeing them together killed another part of my heart it looked so right Richards eyes were so full of pain and hurt he spoke to her and handed her back the rev came and blessed her it passed in a blur we spent ages holding her and taking pictures i wanted to remember everything about her even her chubby cheeks she was so alike Sophie when Sophie had been born about 1am we asked the midwife to take her i put a photo of me rich and the kids in with her so she would never forget us and i put in a teddy we got her and gave her a shawl we had bought her specially to be berried with the midwife later came back and asked if we would like to have her with us for a while through the night i said no thank you i don’t know why i just did i finally fell asleep about 4 am i awoke next day when Karen came in to see me and rich said she seen Bethany and she was perfect i asked to see Bethany b4 we went home so a nurse came to get us to take us to see her but i froze i remember the undertaker saying that people who have passes away change fast especially baby’s so i spoke to rich and h agreed we want to remember Bethany like we first met her our little angel princess my aunty came and picked us up and drove us home the kids were there i think they still expected a baby i was relived to be home to them but leaving the hospital having to leave my angel behind was hard on Monday morning Dee the undertakers wife came bye to say they had Bethany at the rest rooms and asked if we wanted to visit her we said no thank you and handed her my engagement ring to berry with her along with pictures from the kids the following days were a blur of card visitors phone calls flowers Thursday 26th July I text my friend lee and asked how she was and she said shed come visit and said would you like me to take Alex I said yes please about hour later lee and her lil girl was at the house when I set eyes on her I saw how beautiful she was and identical to her daddy I held her gave her a cuddle ppl ask how could I do that my answers simple I love my friend and I was glad she haddent had the same heart ache as us the next day Fri. 27th July rich picked up the balloons and we went into the garden the kids had drawn a picture for Bethany we attached it and let them free for Bethany to play with in heaven my friend nicki looked after the kids while we left for the cemetery I know they were Bethany’s brothers and sister but we felt it wasn’t fair on them to confuse them even more and we had to get through this the rev who had blessed Bethany agreed to do her funeral it was beautiful Richard lowered our daughter in to the ground with 3 others I thought he would end up in there too and the rev read out a poem about how butterfly’s represent angels and I had a strange feeling as the sat b4 we were told she had died a orange and black butterfly had come into the house and was on the plant just sitting there I couldn’t help thinking it was an angel waiting for her we took the kids to the cemetery that evening with roses each and they understand to an extent the angels would come when its dark and take her to heaven in October 2007 we got the postmortem results and although her cord was round her neck they left the results inconclusive but I me and Bethany both tested positive for GROUP B STREP and if that’s what killed her they should of picked it up the Saturday I went to hoes thinking my waters had gone I wont pretend life’s been easy since its been far from it and with out my husband I would of given up a long time ago so when I say my husband and children are my life I truly mean it so many times I wanted to be with Bethany and they kept me going ive made so many beautiful angel mummy friends im just sad we met under such sad circumstances